


Show Some Teeth

by misura



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 13:30:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17407802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: The one where Illya is a dragon, Napoleon is a thief and Gaby is a princess.





	Show Some Teeth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [InNovaFertAnimus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InNovaFertAnimus/gifts).



> superlate Winter Holiday Exchange treat

Napoleon stared.

The dragon stared back. It was a very big dragon. Rather scary-looking, if big teeth and big claws could be considered scary. Under normal circumstances, this would be the moment on which Napoleon would be coming up with something clever to say or do.

Alas, these were not normal circumstances.

The dragon roared. Napoleon almost reassessed the situation, but in the end, he decided to stick to the newly revised plan and said, "Oh, stop that," in what he hoped to be a convincing tone of voice.

"Darling?" Gaby asked. She sounded a bit nervous, which was a good thing. In her place, Napoleon would have been _very_ nervous, and quite possibly on the brink of having hysterics.

"It's Illya," Napoleon said, with altogether more certainty than he felt. Then again, if he was wrong, chances were he would live only very briefly to regret it. "Tall, handsome fellow, built like a castle?" Come to think of it, she'd been a little drunk at the time. "You and he seemed to hit off pretty well. Almost as well as he and I, as a matter of fact."

Napoleon had told himself that he was on a mission, and a rather important one at that. Not getting beheaded for helping himself to the crown jewels had seemed like a good idea at the time - and if that meant rescuing a princess and cheating a dragon out of some treasure, well, he'd give it a go or make good his escape on the way.

And then there'd been Gaby, who might be a princess, but who was also rather fun and surely did not deserve to get eaten by some scaled monstrosity, and Napoleon had come around to thinking that perhaps outsmarting a dragon would not be so very hard to do.

To be fair: getting a dragon into bed had turned out to be incredibly easy.

Assuming Illya was, in fact, the dragon.

Napoleon swallowed. Arguing in favor of his theory was the fact that neither of them had been eaten or barbecued. Yet. Arguing against - did dragons do that? Turn into a human and go look for a fun night on the town? It sounded like the stuff of those silly ballads in which any thief ended up being hung from a tree or else turned out to be a prince-in-disguise who'd only ever stolen a loaf of bread to feed the hungry or something.

The dragon eyed the two of them balefully.

"Illya?"

Correction: the dragon was eyeing Napoleon balefully. Gaby, it appeared to like just fine.

Gaby held out her hand and the dragon nosed it in a rather affectionate sort of way, as opposed to, say, a 'let me play with my dinner for a bit before I swallow it whole' sort of way.

"Terrorizing the countryside by day, picking up strangers in taverns by night," Napoleon said. "Guess dragons don't need a lot of sleep."

The dragon yawned at him, the better to display its teeth.

"Illya," Gaby said, again. "Is it really you?"

There was a whoosh with a hint of oomph. "Dragons take naps," Illya said with great dignity.

Napoleon decided that it had been the eyes that had tipped him off. "Hi there, stranger."

Illya sniffed. "Thief."

"That's not what you called me last night." Napoleon wondered if he had a death wish. Granted, it had been a while since he'd had - and then, of course, there'd been two of them at once, because (as he'd told himself) he might be dead tomorrow, and who wanted to die knowing they'd passed on the chance of a delightful threesome the night before?

"Last night, you were not trying to sneak into lair with treasure," Illya said. "So. You go now, and you live. A good deal, yes?"

"And is Gaby included in this deal?" It occurred to Napoleon, possibly a bit late, that princesses destined to be fed to dragons were usually stipulated to be maidens, untouched by men, that sort of foolishness. Gaby most definitely no longer qualified.

"Gaby can speak for herself, thank you," Gaby said. "Actually, I think I'll stay. I quite like it here."

"It's a cave." Not that Napoleon assumed Gaby'd been selected as dragon snack because she and her family were particularly close. Still, there was such a thing as comfortable living. Beds. Chairs. A bath.

"The company's not too bad," Gaby said, smiling at Illya.

Illya failed to look even a tenth as smug as Napoleon would have looked if he'd received a smile like that. Napoleon wondered just who had been seducing who last night.

"If you're staying, I'm staying," he said. "I did make a promise to your royal uncle, after all."

"No," Illya said.

Gaby smiled again. At Napoleon, this time around.

"No, no, no," Illya said. "Is not happening. Dragon's lair no place for thief."

"Sorry, Peril. Looks like you've been outvoted two to one." Napoleon grinned. "Look at it from the bright side. You play your cards right, and you could have the best thief in the land at your beck and call. How's that for expanding your hoard?"

Illya groaned, then shifted back into his dragon shape and stomped back the way he'd come.

Napoleon bowed the way he'd seen the lords at court do. "Milady. May I escort you into the dragon's den?"

If nothing else, he reasoned that having a dragon around ought to at least cut down on the number of people trying to behead or hang or otherwise inconvenience him.


End file.
